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Joke of the Day

"I can't wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it."

"- How much for the mobile tampon? - Ma'am? - It's a bit big. - Ma'am, it's a lamb. - Does it make that sound because it has detected blood?"

"How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?"

"The sequel to Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is just a series of horrified people finding parts of missing kids in their chocolate bars"

"I was promised today would be a new day. This feels suspiciously like a used Wednesday."

"Once I was travelling in a taxi, the taxi driver said: ""I am very happy with this job. I am my own boss and nobody can order me what to do."" Then I said: ""Take left."""

"Why did Carrie Fisher enjoy doing her one-woman show? Because she nailed that Solo."

"Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Dec 25 is Oct 31"

"How do Humans Reproduce? A: Sexually B: Sexually C: Sexually"

"what does a british person say to congratulate a friend when he hears they are having their first child after joining a reptile gang? well, chap, you're a propa-gator now."