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Joke of the Day

"Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book."

"Policeman: Didn't you see my lights flashing? Motorist: No I was going faster than the speed of light."

"These Jehovah's Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant."

"911:What's your emergency? M:I've been shot.. 911:ok sir,keep calm now.. M:thru the heart..and you're to blame 911:Mr Jovi,this has to stop."

"After months of trying to come up with a joke that makes sense, my 10yo sister dropped this one on me last night. What killed the cat? A stroke."

"For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed. But I'm not gonna smoke any less either."

"After sex I always get out my phone and order my wife a dozen roses. My girlfriend thinks I'm hilarious."

"It's hotter than A Nazi oven in the summer."

"If Bill Cosby and Gwyneth Paltrow hooked up... ...it would be an unconscious coupling."

"You're not able to watch porn on the iPhone7.. Yeah, they took the jack off."