41761

Joke of the Day

"Why is ok to leave the lid off a basket of socialist crabs? Because whenever one of them climbs to the top, the others drag it back down."

"SURGEON: *cutting open patient's torso* NURSE: sir, what are you doing?! this is a knee replacement! SURGEON: there's a Pokemon in there"

"What did Miss Piggy's boyfriend do after he found out she was unfaithful? Kermit suicide."

"Did you hear about the new anti-consumerism movement? Nobody's buying it!"

"*Child putting on clothes very slowly while singing* Me: You really need to hurry up we're going to be late. *Child starts singing faster*"

"What did Joss say on the last day of shooting the Avengers? Whedon?"

"I just saw my son with his penis in a bag of pistachios. He's fucking nuts."

"How much do pirates pay for piercings? A buccaneer!"

"[emergency] [super hero appears] GUY: It's Doesn't-Understand-Rhetorical-Questions Man. Boy, am I glad to see you! HERO: I...I don't know"

"I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20."