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Joke of the Day
"Don't get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos."
Next Joke
"THERAPIST: How does that make you feel? ME: ""Mphh mophh wampph."" T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch."
"What was the last thing that went through JFK's head? A bullet."
"Today's weather is perfect for running around with your top down. But these kids at Trader Joe's act like they've never seen nipples before"
"How do Mr. and Mrs. Weasley have sex? gingerly."
"Why does it smell so bad in Russia? Everybody loves Putin!"
"My rebellious teenage son robbed our local Chinese food restaurant ""You stole all of their chicken?!"" Tso"
"I am running out of people I actually like."
"You know you're the family addict when it's time to light birthday candles & everyone looks at you knowing you have a lighter in your pocket"
"Guess what my Valentine gave me? Carpal Tunnel..."