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Joke of the Day

"Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'"

"Mel Brooks is tired of all the letters from Arnold Schwarzenegger begging for a new space balls movie. In a public statement he said he is the worst schwartz a nagger of them all."

"I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day... She's lactose intolerant."

"If my girlfriend has six oranges in one hand and seven apples in the other, what has she got? No chance of blocking an uppercut."

"What did the Italian man who was feeling under the weather say when asked if he was attending the office Christmas party? No, I'm a Sikh."

"Patient: Doctor please kiss me! Doctor: I am sorry, I can't! My code of ethics forbids me to kissing my patients. Honestly speaking we should not be having sex either."

"*knock knock* ""Who's there?"" ""I got up."" ""I got up who?"" ""In that case, the bathroom's over there."""

"Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday Those were the days..."

"I argued constantly with my boss, so in the end I got the sack And buried him in it."

"shaking hands is weird, it's like ""hey, i don't know you. let's touch each other"""