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Joke of the Day

"If my girlfriend has six oranges in one hand and seven apples in the other, what has she got? No chance of blocking an uppercut."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster farmer and a prostitute with diarrhea? The oyster farmer shucks between fits..."

"Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes that was one of his most striking achievements."

"Damn boy, are you my yoga class? Because I want to get hot and sweaty with you in 37 different poses and then not be able to walk tomorrow."

"Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only."

"Bert and Ernie Bert asked Ernie if he would like any ice cream. Ernie replied ""Sure Bert"""

"A man walks in to a bar His alcoholism is destroying his family."

"What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings? I'm sari."

"Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester... Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds."

"So I was about to roll a joint with a page from the Qur'an... But I decided that I didn't really feel like getting stoned."