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Joke of the Day

"Laugh at something on your phone and wait for me to ask what it is. See your grandchildren grow old. Witness the death of the sun."

"My ex said that relationships were about sacrifice. But she still screamed when she saw the bloody goat on the altar."

"How come we never see hideous fish men around any more? Dagon."

"*Adding family on Facebook* Before: Fuck bitches, smoke, drink! After: I helped an old lady cross the street."

"Wtf this movie was not at all like the book! Friend: It was, are you sure you read the book? Sure I did. I read between the lines."

"I've been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don't know karate."

"Confucius Say Women who fly plane upside down have crack up."

"If you used to be transgender but aren't anymore.. would that make you a transformer?"

"What's the difference between the worst sex you ever had, and the best sex you ever had? Doesn't matter; Had sex "

"A terrorist Walks into a Pet store A terrorist walks into a pet store and shouts ""Run away you only have 10 seconds before I blow this place up!"" ""You Bastard!"" The Turtle says"