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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: it's dark already Me: I know, Dan. I have eyes CoW: it's only 5 'o clock Me: I KNOW DAN CoW: it's early Me: THAT'S HOW EARTH WORKS"

"I tried fixing my vacuum the other day on my own... now it sucks even more!"

"What's the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana? Pink Floyd kept going after the wall."

"I just had my iPhone stolen. I wish I thought of this before. Best way to prevent iPhone theft? Make it look like a BlackBerry."

"Back when I was a kid there was no internet so people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a cunt."

"What's the difference between a reindeer, a knight and a cock? The knight is slaying dragons, the reindeer is draggin' sleighs."

"Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait."

"Doc Brown and Marty are watching the news The newscaster announces ""Due to a large string of worker protests in the United States the price of cheese has gone up 200%"" Doc Brown: ""Grate, Scott!"""

"If a guitar player is a guitarist, and a piano player is a pianist, what's the term for someone who plays the banjo? Racist"

"I'm not saying I've had a lot to drink, but my foot just fell asleep so I drew dicks on it."