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Joke of the Day

"asked the universe for literally nothing & received a commercial featuring conjoined twins riding a segway"

"Why are redditors American? Because they always \*tip\*."

"Condoms were invented by Arabic-Muslims sometime in the 1400s using lower goat intestine They were later improved by the British in 1873 by taking the intestine out of the goat first"

"Hi, my name is USA, and I am... addicted to starting wars in Muslim countries. This is my first meeting and I'm a little nervous."

"Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? She caused frequent blue-screens and IRQ time-out errors."

"How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography? ""Dear Reader"""

"Why did the cop climb the tree? He worked for a special branch."

"When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting 'No, man, I've got to go home.'"

"Why did the brain cell go to the other side of the brain? I don't know. It hadn't really crossed my mind."

"I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to try anal She said 'Sure' and then put her finger in my butt."