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Joke of the Day

"Breaking News: PIRATES STOPPED STEALING OIL TANKERS They switched to stealing tankers filled with printer ink..."

"Why repent? I pented just last week."

"I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?"

"*notices wife has 5 asparagus on her plate while I only have 4* everything ok? ""fine"" [hour later during car ride home] you're speeding"

"Bros were dying to know the song I had playing on the gym speakers, said it activated beast mode for them. It was ""Tracy chapman - fast car"""

"Is it wrong to watch porn alongside a Disney inspirational video? I'm not saying I did it I'm just wondering if I should stop"

"People with amblyopia don't have a lazy eye... they have an eye with ADHD."

"You'd think a dude named Captain Crunch would have amazing abs."

"Dubstep joke Knock knock Who's there? Bob Bob who? Bob bubububu Bob Bob WuuuuOOOOWWWubwubwubwub edit: formatting"

"A man is standing on the top of a tall building about to commit suicide... ...when a physicist at the bottom shouts up, ""Don't do it! You have so much potential!"""