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Joke of the Day

"""I'm hungry!"" says your sister... ""Hi Hungry, I'm Dad"" your father replies Two hours later, your dad says, ""I'm fucking hungry!"""

"Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper."

"People laugh cos I've got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who'll be laughing then?"

"What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? NYC subway commuters."

"How many chains does it take to enslave a black person in the twenty-first century? Two Chainz."

"Knock Knock ""Who's There?"" ""Bang Bang"" ""Bang Bang Who?"" ""Oscar Pistorius"""

"I came home today to find that all of my lamps had been stolen I was absolutely delighted."

"""daddy why did the moon turn red?"" ""because god is flooding it with the blood of all the children who ask too many questions sweetie"""

"[NSFW] What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut fucks everybody, a bitch fucks everybody but me."

"Q: Why do ducks look so sad? A: Because when they preen their feathers, they look down in the mouth."