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Joke of the Day

"If someone feeds you alphabet soup... Is that putting words in your mouth? Also, if they are about to feed you and pull back, is that taking the words out of your mouth?"

"Who else takes their phone out when you're in public by yourself, just so you don't look like some idiot with no friends."

"If I could go back in time and talk to my ten year old self My parents probably would've put a restraining order on me."

"A depressed French baker sobs bitterly into the dough... His life is pain."

"You know how I can prove Jesus wasn't black? Because the body of Christ was a cracker!"

"""we're out of bread"" ""ciabatta be kidding!"" [waiter takes out gun] ""make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit"" [i take out my gun]"

"Orioles Buck showalter"

"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to sell oranges by the side of the highway."

"All you people who chose ""The Real"" or ""Official"" before your Twitter handle really thought ahead of the game there. Well done, guys."

"What's the difference between a redneck couple, and two variables in a dataset? The variables aren't necessarily related."