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Joke of the Day

"Remember when... ... the General Motors jobs were in Flint, and you couldn't drink the water in Mexico. And now..."

"A guy calls 911 and says someone dropped a box on his head Dispatcher: ""Is it empty?"" Guy: ""Yes it is"" Dispatcher: ""How about the box?"" (my dad told me this yesterday)"

"Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door."

"I want you to be completely honest with me as long as you're only pointing out my strengths."

"How can you tell a gamer from a rugby player? Ask them if they play league."

"Potassium would be the worst element to chat with He (or she) would always reply with ""K""."

"Why American Names Are Like ""Jackson, Wilson, Markson..... Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davidson, Jemson, Johnson"" Because This Is The Easy Way For Mom To Remember Who Is Whose Son."

"What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory? Guardians of the Galaxy"

"My life could benefit from a little more Stranger Danger and a little less Acquaintance Maintenance."

"i'll have a burg please [waiter looks confused] a burg. a meat frisbee. a seared bovine disc. a hamburger sandwich. a bunned beefling my man"