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Joke of the Day

"I seared steaks in our home without adequate ventilation. Now there's a delightful and very visible meat cloud hanging over us."

"My two levels of drunk are 1) dancing with fat chicks at the club 2) smashing my neighbor's window thinking I locked myself out of my house."

"Twitter is an amazing source of useful information, the way a haystack is an amazing source of needles."

"It's fun to park next to that car that's parked far away so that no one will park next to it."

"A spinoff of Zootopia would have lampooned any people from a certain fandom who drew NSFW pictures of the two leads and shipped them. Alas, *Furry Vengeance* was already taken."

"HIPSTER COP: *into radio* ""We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"""

"Why did the masturbating murderer turn himself in? He came to his senses."

"All work and no play... .... makes Abraham Lincoln a full term president. Im going to hell."

"R Kelly taking the art out of rap artist."

"a priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench... the priest sees some kids playing nearby. he leans over to the rabbi points and says ""how about we screw them"" the rabbi says ""out of what?"""