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Joke of the Day

"I got kicked out of a store trying to buy condoms All I wanted was to use their fitting room!"

"That's it! No more dick jokes! I'm only doing jokes about intellectual topics, like finance! Today the Vietnamese Dong remained firm against the Zambian Kwacha."

"What do you call a thick wire made of phone batteries? Likable"

"On the bright side, I'm relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists."

"A survey says parents spend $1k on their children's electronics yearly. When WE were young we walked 5 miles uphill in the snow w/ NO APPS!"

"BILLY CORGAN: the world is a vampire ME: wouldn't it explode into flames as soon as the sun hit it then? BILLY: shut up *runs off crying*"

"I refuse to jump on the I hate Mondays' bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally"

"Just so u know guys I literally covered my roommates bed in 324 pieces of cornbread 2 make it a ""cornbed"" so ur fakes puns mean nothing 2 me"

"You Can't spell ADVERTISEMENTS without semen between the tits!"

"Two parallel lines match on tinder But they never meet!"