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Joke of the Day

"Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won't remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me."

"I got peanut butter on my camera Now every picture is a jif"

"Why are parents boring? Because they're groan-ups."

"I thought a Vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant... ...but apparently it just changes the color of the baby."

"What do women and penny stocks have in common? If you hold on to them too long instead of pumping and dumping them, you'll lose all your shit."

"If you're stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life."

"They released a new study on marriage It's the number one cause of divorce"

"[NSFW] Useless things Q: What are the most useless items ever invented? A: Condoms. If you need one, she's too old."

"Wanna hear a joke? You!"

"You know that pain which starts at your hip, runs down your leg, out the front door,and goes across the street to the bus stop... I've that."