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Joke of the Day

"DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A COP Ok, now that there are definitely no cops reading this...I'm trying to find some cocaine for this weekend guys"

"Keep your friend's clothes in your enemy's toaster."

"I saw a lady at work today doing ""breathing exercises"" and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me."

"I chained up my trophy wife in the basement... She's atrophy wife now."

"Stevie Wonder: ""I may be blind... ...but at least Im not black""."

"What do call an old man that asks questions? Pop Quiz"

"Why do blonde girls have bruises on their belly buttons? Because blonde guys are stupid too!"

"things I'm passionate about: The Rule of Threes, self referential humor, and the Oxford comma."

"A little boy wrote a letter to Santa stating he wanted a little sister The next day he got a letter from santa saying: Ok send me your mother"

"I showed my son a floppy disk today... ...he said: 'oh cool, you 3D-printed a save icon'"