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Joke of the Day

"Bro: *on phone* Babe. Babe. Babe. Babe. BABE! Dude: You're so whipped. Bro: What? I just got her to rent Babe instead of The Notebook."

"If you like blowing candles on your birthday, what does that make you? A gay candle."

"The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material."

"Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack."

"I think the problem is that I'm 20% stud and 80% muffin."

"What are your thoughts on monorails? They make decent one-liners."

"I can finally scratch ""murdering an anonymous vagrant"" off my bucket list. I didn't do it, it just doesn't seem all that appealing anymore I guess."

"Do you know the difference between 5 minutes of blowjob and 5 minutes of sodomy ? Do you have 10 minutes ?"

"They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty. Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me."

"Why is the Computer D Drive always sad? D:"