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Joke of the Day

"I won a waterfight with the local kids at the park. No ones a match for me and my kettle!"

"My grandma won the local grocery store's anual dance competition. She didn't miss a beet."

"Pizza at gay marriages will inevitably become a trend. It will be largely symbolic (and artisanal)."

"I have fond memories of the sausage factory. It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times."

"Dogs do their social networking on Assbook, via the World Wide Whiff."

"I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'll be in 5 years I don't have 2020 vision"

"What's small, round, and blue? A cranberry holding its breath."

"Why are 9/11 victims the best readers? They can go through 94 stories in seconds!"

"I'm no scientist, but I don't think it's possible for EVERYBODY to be kung fu fighting."

"What do you get when you cross a whore and a leprechaun. A little green fucker about two feet tall. (Best told orally so can hold hands two feet apart.)"