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Joke of the Day

"The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say ""Die slowly"" and ""die quickly"". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian."

"[writes THIS IS A ROBBERY on a deposit slip, slides it to teller] [teller writes something, slides it back] NO THIS IS A DEPOSIT SLIP"

"Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd"

"If you guys don't hear from your sexy lady friend TC today it's because he's spending Father's Day with his family."

"Ten times I've watched that episode of Friends where Rachel has the baby, just so I'll be emotionally ready when my wife delivers tomorrow."

"Then my wife left me, I became an alcoholic and started making meth in my basement but anyway take one candy bar each kids. Happy Halloween."

"What's the difference between OJ Simpson and Mufasa? One's an African lion, the other is a lyin' African."

"Why is the ocean salty? Because land doesn't wave back."

"Why do most movie sequels stink? Because movie makers are basically doing a number 2."

"I have a dog named Hot-Dog. Isn't funny? hahahaha...."