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Joke of the Day

"A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicked him out."

"Some women are never satisfied. Last night i gave my girlfriend the biggest orgasm of her life. What did she do, spit it out."

"""Matt, you just need to date the type of person that will always be there for you!"" [tries to date pizza] [gets friend calzoned]"

"Nervous about speaking in front of a crowd of people? Imagine everyone is wearing an Ed Hardy shirt"

"Me: What do gay horses eat? Mom: Oh! I've heard this one, it's Haaaaaaay!"" Me: Wrong. Penises."

"An egg sits perfectly balanced on the apex of a roof, the wind blows south, which way does the egg fall? Down. The egg falls down."

"A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say farmer. Is that bull safe? Well he's a lot safer than you are right now!"

"How do the Chinese name their kids? They throw silverware down the stairs."

"What's the difference... ...between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg"

"Why did Jesus quit playing hockey? He kept getting nailed into the boards"