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Joke of the Day

"Two drunks come out of a bar... One says to the other: ""We gotta go back, I forgot to pee."" The other one replies: ""No problem, dude, I can teach you how to do it!"""

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""Oh sure, just because I'm a woman means I have to do everything around here. And let me tell you..."""

"Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player"

"MOM DON'T COME IN!! *mom opens door & you're playing with pokemon, except they're real* HOW MUCH OF THE TRUTH ARE YOU READY TO HEAR MOM"

"Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes and that's why they are the late heads of Europe."

"I like how commercials for gum seem to be predicting a cold, dystopian future where our survival depends on the freshness of our breath."

"GOD: there, my first animal :) SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move? G:like this*shimmies* S: G:just kinda*shimmies* S:dude"

"There'd be no reason to see a doctor if WebMD gave out prescriptions."

"You hurt the feelings of a person who was once the crush of a person who was once a friend of mine so you're a BAD person. ~ internet logic"

"If God wanted you in church all morning, why did he invent fun?"