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Joke of the Day

"I could care less about you but I'm still going to go through your entire wedding & 1st born childs photo album on Facebook. I hate myself"

"""This is the one I use for wiping"" - Handshakes"

"My ex wife asked me to check on her house while she was on vacation.... Google Earth says everything is just fine."

"I'm not only the woman your Mother warned you about, I'm the one your Father highly recommended."

"I told my 5 year old that he was allowed to choose 1 item from the grocery store so we're walking home with a cart."

"An Oedipus slip is where you say one thing... ...and fuck your mother."

"She claimed to be a copy editor but she had no proof."

"[stewardess] ""Sir, even if you ARE, as you say, the REAL Slim Shady- the captain has asked for all passengers to remain seated at this time"""

"How does a Muslim find a goat in tall grass? Sexier when his child bride is holding it."

"2 married mathematicians have fratenal twins They name the boy Adam, and the girl Subtractam"