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Joke of the Day

"Great weight loss tip: Become an astronaut."

"All I wanna do is *gun shot* *gun shot* *gun shot* *cash register noise* *goat sounds* *mousetrap explodes* wake up from this weird dream."

"What is a chemists favourite type of music? Heavy Metals."

"A dog with a cowboy hat, spurs and a cigar limps in through the swinging doors of a saloon... ...He says, ""I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"""

"What happens when ducks fly upside down?? They quack up"

"Why do record collectors have bad sex lives? They're always complaining about the 10"" they don't have."

"I went to a party at Paris Hilton's place last night. The party was fun but now I feel hungover. I tried to take some paracetamol but Paris-ate-them-all. hew hew"

"My fly was down the entire day & I didn't notice. So I'm taking him out for drinks after work. Hopefully that'll help cheer him up a bit."

"I am a kid at heart and a 52 year old coal miner at liver."

"Genie: You have 3 wishes. I don't want to run into spiderwebs anymore. That's it.... I'm done. You can keep the other 2 wishes."