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Joke of the Day

"My father's kids won't get this... ...love."

"My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die"

"What's A Pirate's Favorite thing too do? Hook up"

"Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack!"

"Why do people go to the gym again? Do they not know what a nap is?"

"usain bolt, the fastest man in the world, can run almost 30mph. that means if were to run in a neighborhood, he could get pulled over by the cops...for being black."

"Me: Can I please sleep? Brain: No. Now sing Mambo #5 again. Me: But I hate that song! Brain: I don't give a shit! Me: 1, 2, 3-4-5..."

"Why do bird watchers invest so much money in breast cancer awareness? Because they are greatly satisfied by seeing Tucans."

"If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM I can't recommend parenting highly enough."

"Have you heard that story about that man who gets surprised a lot? It was a tale of WOAH!"