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Joke of the Day

"That hot person you've been flirting with over the internet has one normal arm and one shrivelled T. rex arm."

"My father's Texas joke A Texan gets pulled over for speeding. The officer says, ""You got an ID?"" The Texan says, ""... about what?"""

"Why doesn't Mr T like cream and mashed fruit? He pities the fool."

"I bought my friend an elephant for his room... He said, ""Thanks"". I said, ""Don't mention it""."

"If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anyone who offers you a chair because standing is fucking exhausting."

"My brother was recently diagnosed with an eating disorder called pica, which means he eats non-nutritive substances... When I beat him at Jenga the other day, he literally shit bricks."

"What is the difference between a pedophile and a sexually active wife of a cop? One wants to cop a feel and the other wants to feel a cop."

"He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good... Does Santa work for the NSA?"

"If I see another Robin Williams post... I am going to kill myself"

"I like my men like I like my tea in little disposable bags"