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Joke of the Day

"I can produce silver just by sniffing. Smelt it with my own nose. **I'll show myself out**"

"Yearly reminder: unless you're over 60, you weren't promised flying cars. You were promised an oppressive cyberpunk dystopia. Here you go."

"That's not what he meant!"

"What did one orphan say to the other? ""Get in the Batmobile Robin."""

"ME (pulling wishbone): I won WIFE: what'd u wish for? M: uh world peace W: Nice *human-sized bacon strip walks into kitchen* Hey, what's up?"

"Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities."

"What do you call the exact opposite of progress Congress"

"According to the bloodwork I had done at my doctor's office, I'm 12 percent cake."

"I feel like I'm not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don't cut and dye my hair and change my identity."

"A: Have you heard that joke they don't tell retards? B: No, I don't think that I have. A: ""..."""