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Joke of the Day
"Everyone around me keeps telling me I'm mean. Which is absurd. Plus, they're ugly."
Next Joke
"There are two typos of people in the world... ... those who proofread, and those who don't."
"I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who Walked a thousand miles To throw up on your door"
"It wasn't raining during Trump's inauguration It was just alternative sunshine"
"I said ""Hi"" to a feminist. The trial is scheduled for tomorrow"
"A joke Chris Rock should have used at the Oscars The Oscars.... where the carpets are red and the candidates are white."
"A guy once told me that his favorite pastime was calculating averages. I asked him, ""What do you mean?"""
"Nice try, Team USA. Not bad for a country that only cares about soccer for two weeks every other year!"
"If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need."
"I wish they'd just come up with a smoke detector that stops beeping when I yell ""alright!""."