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Joke of the Day

"$500 worth of condoms and lubricant were stolen overnight from a Sydney sex shop. Police described the thieves as slippery,well covered,hardened criminals."

"What's the favourite flavour of sharks? Shark-o-late!"

"Police officer: what'd you take, you're sweating, shaking and going crazy.... Perp: nothing sir, just searching for The Lord!"

"Women know that men are like linoleum . . . If they lay 'em right the first time, they can walk on them for years."

"A man has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness... Man: ""So Doc, how long have I got to live?"" Doctor: ""Seven..."" Man: ""Seven? Seven what? Years? Months?"" Doctor: ""Six... Five..."""

"Just saw a bird walking down the side of the road & yelled out my window, ""YOU CAN FLY, YOU STUPID BIRD,"" because I am a mature adult."

"Everybody thinks I am a psychopath... but I don't care what they think."

"How many scientists it takes to change a lightbulb? None *et al.*"

"What do you call a second hand gold necklace? Recyc-bling (I'm pretty sure I thought of this myself but I used to smoke the Mary Jane a lot so......)"

"People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law."