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Joke of the Day

"What did the evergreen tree say to it's love interest? ""Oh, how I pine for you!"""

"big pharma. if youre reading this i have an idea for a pill that makes you tinier so you can fit into secret zones. i will let you invent it"

"What do you call a prostitute with her hands down her pants? Self-employed"

"What STD is found most commonly among lesbians? Carpet burn"

"I call my dick hard times.. Cuz birches always be falling on it"

"Just saw a guy with a chain wallet. A bunch of people were trying to steal his wallet, but they couldn't"

"How do you know Bernie Sanders got elected? All your stuff has been donated to charity"

"Do you know why one side of the the V formation of geese in flight is longer than the other side? Because It has more geese in it!"

"Somebody told me I need to give my new Smart Car a name. So I called it 'Octomom' because even though I can technically fit 8 people in there, it doesn't mean it's a good idea."

"What do you get when you pour root beer into a square glass? Beer X-post from /r/imsmartandthisisfunny"