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Joke of the Day

"Answering your cell when you don't recognize the number is basically like picking up a hitchhiker. You're probs gonna die."

"A man knighted for how he stood while ejaculating Sircumstance"

"How does NASA throw a holiday party? They planet."

"Can someone give me an arrow? I knee'd it."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. On my penis."

"Between hating pork and launching themselves into enemy structures, Al Qaeda were the original Angry Birds."

"Why do sailors give their wives a bouqet of ropes instead of flowers?? It's a bouqet of forget-me-knots."

"So Helen Keller walks into a bar Then she walks into a table. Then she walks into a lamp. Then she walks into the wa- ok, you get the idea."

"My default emotion is irrational rage."

"""This work simply does not deserve an A,"" my teacher said, berating me."