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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick."

"Postman told me he was going on holidays.... I asked him if it was Parcelona or Istampbul he was headed to... Just said it was a stag do for his friend Ah, an all mail party I exclaimed"

"[speed dating] I enjoy gardening. I've got a bit of a green thumb. Actually several of my fingers are discolored. I think I have diabetes."

"Before handing your wallet and wife's necklace over to that angry gunman, pause to consider how sweet it would be if your son became Batman."

"I'm going to start a 70's tribute band with some guys from the office. .. It's gonna be called watercooler and the gang."

"What pizza topping to Koreans enjoy the most? Pupperoni"

"[under heavy sniper fire] Platoon leader: where's that sniper fire coming from? Me [crying a fair bit]: a big gun with a telescope on it"

"A pessimist is always alone. An optimist is always two away from a threesome."

"I got sick at the airport My doctor said it was terminal"

"My Girlfriend said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with pointing out obvious escape routes... So I showed her the door."