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Joke of the Day

"I want to get a medical bracelet that says, ""Shy"" so I can I just hold it up during social situations."

"Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they will never meet."

"Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book."

"What caused Captain Morgan's shipwreck? He was on the rocks."

"I saw a sign that said, watch for children. I thought to myself... Thats a fair trade. - Demetri Martin."

"What if 85% of Homeless veterans are 2LTs lost on a land navigation course?"

"A friend of mine told me he gets terrible stage fright... ...I thought he was taking the piss but he really wasn't."

"What did the lonely lumberjack use to get laid? TINDERRRRR!!!!"

"A man walks into a bar... ...and says ""ouch"""

"Struggling to understand why you would make a video game about stabbing people with swords instead of a game about petting people"