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Joke of the Day

"Until yesterday I thought Chatroulette was a French pastry. No wonder the bakery didn't have any."

"I don't know why I still tell ""just the tip"" jokes. I'm not even that into them."

"When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can't get over the fence"

"I don't use my power for good or evil. Mainly, I use it to watch TV, microwave food, and charge my phone."

"My kid started doing this annoying preteen whiny voice and now I can turn my head all the way around like the exorcist."

"Why did Muhammad cross the road? You should not question the prophet's motives infidel!"

"Tree: Bark Dog: {leaves}"

"My E! True Hollywood Story would just be me trying to open a soy sauce packet."

"What do you get... Q. What do you get if you cross a large dinosaur with a frog? A. A diplo-croak-us."

"If I could have been any Monarch in history I would have been George the 6th But with asthma. That way I could introduce myself by saying I'm King George... and Wheezy."