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Joke of the Day

"You can't boss me around until you're older than the whiskey I drink. -subtweet to my GF"

"My wife gets annoyed with my long showers. I told her they could be 10-15 minutes shorter if she joined me."

"How Do they say ""F**k You"" in Hollywood? ""Trust Me..."""

"Q: Why was the firewood punished? A: It was knotty."

"Judging from the sounds in my trunk this guy would have had an excellent career as a drummer."

"'Joe whats that package ya got today?' ""ITS MY BOOK ABOUT CLOCKS. I ORDERED IT LIKE 2 MONTHS AGO"" 'Well its about time, right?' ""RIGHT"""

"Friend zone?! I've been sister zoned! And if one more dude pats me on the head, I'm telling mom!!"

"[old couple feeding ducks in the park] ""Nothing could ruin this Edna"" *I scare all the ducks away, punch the old man and steal their bread"

"What's a 69er got in common with the mafia ? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit."

"What makes a software developer feel rich? Their Cache"