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Joke of the Day
"Damn girl are you the sun because you need to stay 92,960,000 miles away from me."
Next Joke
"What car does Hitler drive? [OC] A fuhrerri."
"My daughter is late coming down to breakfast. Her 3 strips of bacon are getting cold. I mean 2 strips. Sorry, 1 strip. She'll have cereal."
"Jenny on the mine field Jenny is running through a mine field and waves her hands within 2km... Bonus round: Who's there? - Definitely not Jenny?"
"Man, CNN is so stupid. CNN is so stupid, when they wanted to do a report on Portland counter-culture, they went to a granite shop."
"Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?"
"*saves baby from burning building* ""How can I ever repay you?!"" Favstar in the bio ""Oh I don't have Twi-"" *returns baby to burning building*"
"JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT"
"Accountants have the toughest job in Afghanistan because of the tally ban."
"Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings? The elevator men are on strike!"