37608

Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I always like to laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh with more intensity and greater strength."

"What did the cannibal do to his girlfriend? Eat her out."

"I love people who IM me to tell me that they left a voice message to say that they sent me an email"

"From the pilot during his welcome message: ""We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."

"MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is... this ur card? [holds up card that says ""UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP""] ME: holy crap"

"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if your name was ""GWWAAAANNNEEEHHHAARRRR"""

"I was just minding my own, listening to some Led Zeppelin, and this girl asked if it was Nickelback and now there's so much blood everywhere"

"I'm doing asbestos I can.. dealing with mesothelioma."

"There is a huge body of evidence to support the notion that me and the police were put on this earth to do extremely different things."

"Why do old people read the bible so much? I asked my grandad the other day ""why do old people read the bible so much?"" He replied ""cause we're cramming for finals"""