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Joke of the Day

"I said to the wife, ""I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today... ...but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' ""."

"I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?"

"Women are super awesome at remembering insults but we have the memory of a goldfish with compliments and need them repeated continually."

"The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed... My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence."

"My wife gave birth to twin boys the other day. And I've decided to name them Jerry and Forgery."

"The only spanish I know is from the song Feliz Navidad, so these last few days have been my time to shine."

"Doctor: I'm glad to say the ear operation was a success Patient: WHAT"

"My friend asked me how long I'v been married. I told him 15 years, but with the wind chill it feels like 30"

"What kind of stretches does a pencil do? Ticondeyoga"

"a peaceful man was so opposed to war that he upon reading his draft notice he passed out and remained comatose for the duration of the war he was an unconscientious objector"