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Joke of the Day

"Why is ship tapered Why is shit tapered? So you're asshole doesn't slam shut. (I was watching my dog take a dump yesterday and this old joke came to mind)"

"Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons."

"What do you call a cute shortcoming? Flaww"

"I want to die like my grandfather . ..peaceful . . . ready to go. Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car"

"[TIL] Subway uses artificial chemicals to keep their bread fluffy! Ooops, wrong sub!"

"How to win the war on drugs... 1) legalize all drugs. 2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service."

"I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Girls Without a penis"

"I saw two blind dudes fighting the other day... .. and I yelled ""I'm rooting for the one with the knife!"" Both of them ran away."

"Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers."

"I just gave a woman $700 to put her screaming baby in the overhead compartment on this plane."