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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War? Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!"

"What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's? Shakespeare (say it out loud)"

"The older I get, the more my feet hurt. I guess it's true... time wounds all heels."

"What is a Queens job? She Queens and vacuums"

"Two lawyers are in a bar, and see a hot blonde sitting alone One of the lawyers looks at her and says ""Boy, I'd love to fuck her."" The second lawyer looked over and responded, ""out of what?"""

"I haven't talked to my wife for 18 months I don't like to interrupt her."

"What's the difference between Toddlers & Tiaras and a scat fetish? One's fucking shit, and the other is a scat fetish. Just made it up, wondered how you guys thought it would be."

"TIL that my neighbors really like the metal song i'm playing on my 7.1 sound system I figured because he thrown a brick at my window to hear it better ! \m/"

"How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand."

"the vibrator was invented when Dr Edward Vibrator got extremely chilly whilst shagging Mrs Vibrator and his shivering sent her to cum town"