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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and McDonald's? A: A blonde serves more people in a night."

"I took this girl home after our date... Her: When you said magical in bed this isn't what I expe- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card? Her: *softly* holy shit"

"I wait tables with an obnoxious ex-mechanical engineer... ...he's always going on and on about the restaurant's utensil modulus."

"A man goes to the doctor and says ""Doctor, my farts sound like a motorbike"" Doctor says ""you have an abscess"" Man says ""how do you know?"" Doctor says ""because abscess makes the fart go Honda"""

"Saw the trailer for Life Of Pi. Why are they making a Calvin & Hobbes movie in 2013?"

"A Latvian Haiku Where is potatoes? This winter is very cold. Family is starve."

"Job Interview ""It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17x19?"" ""36"" ""That's not even close!"" ""But it was quick!"""

"Why was the tree stretching? So it could be timber!"

"What do you call an atheist bone? A blasfemur."

"Whats the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom? A pick pocket snatches watches."