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Joke of the Day

"Valve should be in charge of the UN... It's the only sure-fire way to prevent World War 3."

"What do you call smutty pictures of birds? Pornithography."

"People with house arrest ankle bracelets get so touchy when you compare them to a dog's invisible fence."

"What did the toaster say to the bread? I want you inside me."

"What would gold say if it could talk? ""A-U"" :|"

"I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language... ...entirely out of tattoos."

"Kanye West said being a rapper is like being a soldier or a cop but hey at least he didn't compare himself to Jesus. Oh wait."

"My wife's star sign was cancer and it's actually quite ironic how she died.. She was attacked by a crab."

"*co-worker approaching elevator* *I try to hit ""close door"" button* *I miss, hit ""open door""* Co-worker: thanks for holding it Me: Of course"

"So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said ""I have a boyfriend"" ok lettuce head"