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Joke of the Day

"If I had known I was going to have this much shit to do at work today I wouldn't have come in sober"

"A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest shouts ""Hey we dont allow Higgs Bosons here!"" Higgs Boson replied ""But without me how can you have mass?"""

"There's a new drug that prevents statutory rape It's called RU18."

"I wait til the mailman comes to send all my emails in front of him while keeping eye contact and whispering ""Your end is nigh, letter boy."""

"What did Anna Freud let her underwear show? It was a Freudian slip"

"They're coming for me They're banging on my doors. I haven't eaten an apple in months. They're forcing their way in in. The doctors are here. Tell mum I love her."

"I want to have sex with McKayla Maroney... But I think she would be unimpressed."

"Dropping my kids off at Walmart with a dollar each to entertain themselves for a few hours."

"Who would you ask for advice about a lion? a lion or a gerbil? The lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions."

"A dyslexic man walks into a bar Ouch, says the arab"