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Joke of the Day

"""FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE"": BECAUSE YELLING, ""YOU SHOULD REALLY SIGNAL BEFORE YOU CHANGE LANES"" IS A TAD VERBOSE"

"What do you call a dragon that can't sit still? A wiggle wyrm."

"Two Russian pilots in Syria - Hi, what have you been doing today? - Bombing the ISIS headquarters... - Which one, the main headquarters? - No man, the main headquarters is on the other continent..."

"Vegetarian: 'You know, a cow died so you could have that burger'. Me: 'Maybe he died because you keep eating all of his food'."

"I've always been bad at studying for tests.. ...but recently I noticed I work a lot harder while listening to the 50 shades of Grey soundtrack"

"Did you hear what happened to the private who got caught sleeping with his drill instructor's Chlamydia infected wife? He got an oily discharge."

"[prison riot] me: here comes the tickle monster!! [gets stabbed 100 times]"

"What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants? ""It's driving me nuts!"""

"What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old? PETA Pan"

"What did the Mexican prostitute give to the donkey after the show? Jorge."