36521
Joke of the Day
"I gotta stop living every day like it could be my last. The hangovers are killing me..."
Next Joke
"I used to be a door to door vacuum salesman... That shit sucked."
"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean Beef What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mother"
"I measure how hard I'm working by whether I feel compelled to close my eyes and nap while sitting on the toilet."
"I got caught making out with my cousin once - mum and dad went mental. In my defence we were just kids, and there was an awful lot of alcohol at her funeral."
"Therapist: *pulls up in a brand new Mercedes* Me: You're welcome"
"While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?"
"World's scariest martial art is Mexican Judo. Judo know if I got a gun, judo know if I got a knife."
"Why did the gay guy fail his test? He couldn't think straight."
"Sometimes, distance maketh the heart less likely to be stabbed"