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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the dwarf fortune teller that killed two of his clients? Police are looking for a small medium at large."

"Don't try to squeeze love out of them, sweetie. They're people, not oranges."

"My hateful coworkers discovered that I eat my lunch in the air ducts and now they've taken to smacking the air ducts with a broom."

"who needs a bill of rights...? Im bill and im right!!!"

"I used to go to New Years Eve parties I still do, but I used to too! -Mitch Hedberg style-"

"So I was about to roll a joint with a page from the Qur'an... But I decided that I didn't really feel like getting stoned."

"A human cannonball for the circus retired after 35 years of service. When asked if the man would be replaced, the owner of the circus said, ""No, only because it's hard to find a man of that caliber."""

"I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me."

"Clean tweeting is liberating. You don't need profanity to make a point. Look: Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Female dogs love that poopy."

"Why did Bill and Ted join Islam? Because they heard it was radical!"