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Joke of the Day

"I'm ""I lost my car in a parking lot"" years old *clicks alarm, clicks alarm* *silence* Am I even in the right parking lot?"

"Kids - there is no Santa. Those gifts were from your parents. Happy New Year from Wikileaks"

"Captain America's shield was made of Adamantium. What was Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver."

"Tupac Hologram owes me $50 if you see him materialize any time soon tell him I'm looking for him"

"My girlfriend is a bit like water.. She's H2O without the 2."

"My Mom asked me to help her sign up to Twitter so I did and she's really enjoying Google Plus."

"Warning, Condoms aren't totally safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus."

"Happy times with grandma One day I was eating my grandma out. Suddenly I tasted horse semen. ""I thought"" Oh yeah, that's how she died."

"Guy : Damn Girl, are you a newspaper? Girl : No, Why? Guy : Because there is a new fucking issue with you every day."

"Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on, and not to be covered in Baby Oil!!"