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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend is a bit like water.. She's H2O without the 2."

"If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people."

"Oh, you're a ceiling fan? Name three ceilings."

"One problem with autocorrect is that you always end up posting some thong that you didn't Nintendo."

"Pardon me while I slip into something a little more... unconscious."

"Being on Twitter is like being at a party in that I say stuff to myself and sometimes people listen"

"""Son, I found a condom in your room."" ""Gee thanks, Grandpa."" ""Why are you calling me Grandpa?"" ""Because I couldn't find it yesterday."""

"I'm not really a fan of Apple products. Mostly because I'm a bigger fan of not being broke."

"Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city? That's because you don't live in New York City"

"Babies are just people that haven't hurt your feelings yet."