36267
Joke of the Day
"If there's a pedicure, why are there still pedophiles?"
Next Joke
"I did some LSD and watched a candle burn all night. It was wicked."
"Me: How are you? Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*"
"What if I never *dramatic pause* sleep *dramatic pause* a- *falls asleep during third dramatic pause*"
"Mistakes married women make: 1. Assuming he heard you. 2. Assuming he understood you. 3. Assuming he'll remember. 4. Marrying a man."
"What do you say to a woman with a black eye? Nothing. She's already been told."
"My nights 50% sleeping 50% avoiding getting up to pee"
"Mascara in my hair-check, hairspray in my eye-check, lipstick on my shirt-check...I'm ready to start this wonderful Monday"
"Going to a baby shower and I'm real nervous, do they just kind of pour down on you? If you catch one do you have to keep it?"
"In my spare time I like to.... Comment the funniest thing, it doesn't have to be true"