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Joke of the Day

"If a man opens the car door for his wife... it's either a new car or a new wife."

"COWORKER: Wanna come to my NYE party?! ME: Aww... I would, but I already have plans. MORGAN FREEMAN: He did not have plans."

"I was cumming into a sock... when the guy wearing it was like WTF?!"

"My friend recently told me he was allergic to blood... I told him he was full of it."

"A slice of pizza walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says ""I'm sorry, we don't serve food."""

"I want my hearse to have 'JUST DIED' written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper."

"5yo slooowly walks by: ""Hi, mom and dad."" 4yo slooowly walks by: ""Hi, mom and dad."" CODE RED CODE RED"

"Yo mama jokes Here you can tell yo mama jokes"

"Why should you always run next to a car? Because if you run behind it you get exhausted, and if you run in front of it you get tired!"

"I'd much rather have a sex tape released to the public than a video of me trying to run in flip flops."